Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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