drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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