so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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