why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
