Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
