yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
