i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
