3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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