Apparently you make a good broom.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
