I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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