you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
