Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
