I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Enjoy the penises
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
