How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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