We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize