it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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