It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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