I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
