dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
