His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
