Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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