sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
