This is not my ceiling
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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