I forgot how hot balto sounded
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
