I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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