he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
