I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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