the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
