sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
