Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
false alarm. still invincible.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
