i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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