i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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