His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
