I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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