I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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