No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Randomize
