My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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