So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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