it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
