if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
