The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
