Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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