loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
