I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
