There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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