R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
