I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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