The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
