Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
