don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
