By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
