just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
its liver damage thursday
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
