Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
