How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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