i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just pee around me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
