it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
