just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
