before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
be right there i have to get my cape
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
