No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize