Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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