We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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