Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
