Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize