Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
