foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
