I hate all girls vehemently.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
