how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
