I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
