We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
