It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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