i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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