Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
