I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
