I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
