This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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