mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
