apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
