How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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